Why Your Reactions Didn’t Start Today
You know, many behaviors you have today didn’t actually start today. You might shut down during conflict. You might overthink small things or apologize too fast. And you think, this is just my nature. But the truth is, almost all of these reactions were shaped when you were a child.
The rules you had to follow, the pressure and expectations of your parents—all of this created patterns of belief and behavior inside your brain. And those old patterns influence how you feel and behave as an adult. Not just that, they influence how you see yourself, your goals, your dreams, your love and relationships, and your future too.
That’s why in this video we are going to understand how your past is silently shaping your present, and more importantly, how to break that pattern and make sure you build the life you really deserve.
The Emotional Map in Your Brain
According to psychology, every one of us carries something called an emotional map inside our brain. It’s a map our brain created when we were a child to understand how the emotional world works.
So how was this map created?
When you were growing up, your brain was constantly noticing how situations made you feel. If I react this way, am I safe or am I in danger? It learned the answers through experiences.
For example, maybe you said, I want this, or this hurt me, or I don’t like this. Instead of being heard, someone raised their voice. Someone got irritated.
Someone said, Don’t talk back. Don’t be demanding. Now is not the time. Or the mood in the room suddenly changed.
So your body learned one thing: when I express my needs, something goes wrong.
Without realizing it, your emotional map added a rule: It’s safer to stay quiet.
How the Rules Are Written
That’s how the map gets written. Little by little, as you go through similar incidents in different situations, your body starts collecting rules like:
Don’t ask too much
Don’t upset people
Adjust first
Keep the peace
Stay alert
No one ever sat you down and taught you these things. Your body learned them on its own by watching reactions, feeling tension, noticing silence, and sensing when love was given and when it was withdrawn.
The metric was only one thing: Did I feel safe or not?
Once these rules are written, your body starts using them everywhere—even when you become an adult.
So you’re not choosing these patterns consciously. Your emotional map is just doing its job, trying to keep you safe based on what it learned long ago.
That’s why some reactions feel automatic. You pause before speaking. You explain too much. You apologize even when it’s not your fault. You feel anxious when someone’s mood changes.
This is not a weakness. It’s conditioning.
Rewriting the Emotional Map
And you can break these patterns. You can gently add new rules and rewrite the map.
So how do you change this old map?
A lot of people try to force themselves to behave differently and tell themselves, You should not feel this way. But that doesn’t work. It only creates more pressure, because the map is still following its old rules.
The first step is to understand the rules your old map is following.
Example: Overexplaining
Let’s say you’re someone who overexplains a lot because you feel anxious when someone goes silent in a conversation, and you want to change that.
First, sit with yourself. Reflect and understand why you do it in the first place. Say to yourself:
Okay, I have this habit of overexplaining, and it’s coming from my old map. Next time I’m in a conversation, I’ll remember this so I don’t repeat it automatically.
Now, the next time you’re talking to someone and they are silently nodding, subconsciously you’ll feel a rush in your chest. You’ll feel anxious and get the urge to explain more, to fill the space.
Catch that moment.
Become aware of it and pause. Tell yourself: Wait, this is my old map talking. This is not the same situation anymore.
Gently bring your attention inside. Notice what’s happening in your body—the tightness, the little panic, the urge to say more, to fix the silence.
In that exact moment, take a breath and remind yourself: I am safe. Silence does not mean rejection. I don’t need to prove anything.
That one moment of awareness can change everything. It calms your system, gives you space, and from that space, you can respond instead of react.
Applying This to Other Patterns
You can use this with every pattern.
If you tend to apologize too much, catch it when it’s happening. Pause for just 2 seconds. Tell yourself:
I’m safe. Tension does not always mean I caused it. I don’t need to apologize just to keep the peace.
Breathe. Stay with the discomfort. Then respond only if you truly feel it was your mistake.
If you’re someone who shuts down during conflict, remind yourself:
Conflict doesn’t mean danger anymore. I’m allowed to feel discomfort. I’m allowed to speak.
Even one moment, or one sentence, is enough to show your body: I’m safe.
How the Map Changes Over Time
Every time you pause, every time you breathe, and every time you respond with awareness, you are rewriting the rule.
For some people, this process feels smoother. For others, these old maps are written in deep pain—through trauma, neglect, or fear. In those cases, don’t do this alone. Take help. A good therapist can walk you through the old map safely and help you build a new one with care.
Each time you respond this way, your emotional map learns something new:
The world is different now, and I don’t have to follow the old rules.
When you do this consciously again and again—maybe 20 or 50 times—that old map starts to change. It no longer controls you.
The Result: Living From Safety, Not Fear
Slowly and steadily, you’ll notice something shift. You’ll start to feel safe from within. You’ll see yourself as a confident person.
And from that place, you’ll be able to start building and living the life you truly deserve.