Why Do You Take Things So Personally?
Let’s say you’re having a regular day, and then someone makes a small comment or a passing joke, something meant playfully. You smile on the outside, but inside it hurts, and hours later it’s still playing in your head.
Why did they say that? Did I do something wrong, or are they upset with me?
You know it shouldn’t affect you so much. You’re grown up and all, but it does. Now you’re overthinking a 1 second moment for the next 24 hours.
Why does this happen?
Well, there is science behind it, and once you understand why, you can finally stop taking things personally.
Your Brain as a Wi-Fi Router
Think of your brain like a Wi-Fi router. What does a router do? It keeps scanning the air for networks. It looks for signals. Your brain does the same, but it scans for emotional signals, approval, rejection, humiliation, love, judgment, every tone of voice, facial shift, even silence.
Just like a router, it only connects to networks for which it already has the password. So what’s the password here? Your emotional memory.
How Emotional Memory Works
Let me explain. Let’s say someone casually says, “That’s what you wore to the meeting,” or “You’re so sensitive.” Now, those are just words, but they carry an emotion—maybe shame, invisibility, or rejection.
So your brain goes searching within itself: Do we have a password for this emotion?
And it finds a match.
Ah, that sounds like when your teacher embarrassed you in front of the class, or when your parent compared you to someone else. When the emotion matches, when the password fits, your brain makes a connection. It connects a present scenario—which was supposed to be a joke—to old memories where you felt similar pain.
Why the Brain Reacts So Strongly
But why does the brain do this? Why does your brain react this way even when the comment was so small?
Because once upon a time, similar moments caused you pain. That pain got stored in your brain as a pattern, and your brain became super alert to protect you from feeling that pain again. So it keeps scanning for any emotional cues that could hurt you—a tone, a word, a look, even silence.
When it senses something familiar, it reacts instantly. That’s why, even when you look calm on the outside, internally you freeze and then overthink it all day.
Changing the Password
So what is the solution?
You can’t stop your brain from scanning, but you can change the password.
The next time you’re stuck overthinking something someone said, take a deep breath and remind yourself: “My brain is picking up an old signal.”
That one line is powerful because it activates your prefrontal cortex—the part of your brain that helps you think clearly.
Sitting With the Feeling
Don’t brush your feelings away. Sit with them. Name the feeling. Is it shame, rejection, or feeling left out? If you can trace it back, ask yourself: Where have I felt this before?
Whether you do this on your own or with someone’s help, you are starting to change the old password. When that happens, you are no longer reacting from the past—you are responding from the present.
You may even realize that maybe the other person wasn’t attacking you. Maybe they were projecting their own stress. Maybe it wasn’t even about you at all. Eventually, you become calm enough to see that.
You don’t take everything personally anymore because now you trust yourself. You know your worth, and you’re showing your brain that you don’t have to connect to that old network anymore.