Picture this: You send a text to a friend and they do not respond for a few hours. Suddenly your mind starts spinning. Maybe they are angry with you.
Maybe you said something wrong. Maybe they do not want to be friends anymore. Before you know it, you have convinced yourself that the friendship is over. All because of one unreturned text.
Sound familiar? We have all been there. But here is what is really happening: Your brain is lying to you.
information source – Psychiatrist Dr. Tracey marks YouTube video
What Are Cognitive Distortions?
The truth is that many of the thoughts that cause us the most distress are not based on reality at all.
They are cognitive distortions. When you learn to spot them, you can start building a more resilient and realistic way of thinking.
So what are cognitive distortions? Cognitive distortions are biased ways of thinking that twist how you interpret events. They are often negative, automatic, and inaccurate, but they feel true.
They are like having a funhouse mirror in your mind that makes everything look scarier or more catastrophic than it really is.
Why would your brain do this?
Because it is always looking for ways to be more efficient.
It creates shortcuts to help you interpret situations quickly, but those shortcuts are not always accurate, especially when you are under stress.
How Stress Reinforces Negative Thought Loops?
When you experience stress or uncertainty, your amygdala, the brain’s alarm center, lights up.
It is scanning for signs of danger and tends to err on the side of caution.
That is helpful when there is an actual threat, like a fire alarm going off, but it is not helpful when the danger is simply not getting a reply to a text message.
Meanwhile, your prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for rational thinking and perspective taking, gets overridden.
Over time, if you do not question those distorted thoughts, they get reinforced. That is neuroplasticity in action.
Your brain strengthens those pathways, making the distortion easier to access the next time.
4 Common Thought Distortions to Watch For
Patterns that become reinforced through repetition can also be rewired through repetition.
You can teach your brain to think differently.
Here are four distortions that tend to show up when we are under stress.
1. Catastrophizing
This is when your mind immediately jumps to the worst possible outcome. You feel a headache and assume it is a brain tumor. Your partner is quiet and you are convinced they want to break up. You do not hear back from a job interview and you are certain you will never find work again. Catastrophizing takes a small possibility and treats it as an inevitable reality.
2. All or None Thinking
This is black and white thinking. You are either a success or a failure. Things are either perfect or a disaster. If you make one mistake, the whole day is ruined. This kind of thinking leaves no room for nuance and can lead to shame and self-blame when life is not perfect.
3. Mind Reading
This is when you assume you know what other people are thinking, and it is usually something negative about you.
Examples include:
You see someone frown and you are certain they are judging you. A coworker does not say good morning and you are convinced they are angry with you. You give a presentation and interpret neutral expressions as disapproval. We are terrible at reading minds, but our brains fill in the blanks with our worst fears.
4. Personalization
This is when you take responsibility for things that are not truly yours to own. If your friend seems upset, you assume it is because of something you did. If a meeting does not go well, you blame yourself for not keeping the team on track, even though multiple factors were involved.
These distortions feel true. When you are in the middle of catastrophic thinking, it does not feel like overreacting. It feels like being realistic about genuine threats. That is why these distortions are powerful and damaging to resilience.
Why Distorted Thoughts Feel True
Just like we discussed in the mindfulness video, you do not have to believe every thought that pops into your head. You can learn to fact-check your thoughts the same way you would fact-check information online.
Here is a technique called the evidence check. When you notice yourself feeling anxious, upset, or overwhelmed by a particular thought, pause and ask yourself one key question: What is the evidence for this thought?
How to Use the Evidence Check Technique
Back to the unreturned text example. You sent a message to your friend and they have not responded. Your mind says: They must be angry. I probably said something wrong. They do not want to be friends anymore.
Instead of accepting that as truth, pause and ask: What is the evidence for this?
You might realize that your friend has been busy with work. They might not have their phone with them. If you live in a small apartment, your phone may always be nearby. In a larger home, you might go hours without hearing notifications. There are many innocent reasons why someone might not respond immediately.
When you look for evidence, you often discover that the scary story your brain is telling you has very little support. That creates space for more realistic and balanced thoughts.
This does not mean ignoring real problems. If your friend has been distant for weeks, that might be worth a conversation. The evidence check is not about forced positivity. It is about distinguishing real problems from imaginary ones.
Approach your thoughts with curiosity instead of automatic belief.
Instead of thinking this thought must be true because I feel anxious, think I am having an anxious thought. Let me check if it is based on evidence or if my brain is trying to protect me from an imaginary threat.
Using Self Compassion to Reframe Thinking
Self compassion becomes important when you catch yourself engaging in distorted thinking.
The goal is not to judge yourself. Your brain is trying to protect you, even if it does so clumsily.
You can acknowledge the distortion with kindness.
There I go catastrophizing again. My brain is trying to keep me safe, but I do not need to believe this scary story.
Mindfulness helps you notice thoughts without getting pulled in. Over time it becomes easier to step back and evaluate whether the thoughts are helpful or accurate.
The evidence check is most effective when practiced regularly. You do not need to analyze every thought, because that would be exhausting. But when you feel particularly anxious or upset, pause and examine the story your mind is telling.
Start with one recurring worry. Maybe it is about your health, relationships, or work. Next time that pattern starts, try the evidence check. Ask what facts support this worry. What facts contradict it. What would I tell a friend with the same concerns.
Often you will find that when you step outside your own head, the evidence for your worst fears is thin. That realization can provide relief and help you respond more rationally.
How to Build the Habit of Thought Checking
The final piece is reinforcement.
Neuroplasticity responds to repetition.
The more you practice thought checking, the stronger the new pathways become. You may not notice a shift after one reframe, but after ten or thirty, you will feel the change.
You will have more mental space. You will spend less time stuck in emotional spirals. You will trust your ability to interpret situations more clearly and compassionately.
You cannot control every thought that enters your mind, but you can decide whether to believe it, question it, or rewrite it.
Next week we will talk about what to do when your thoughts spiral and how to interrupt the chain reaction before it pulls you under.
We will cover 3 tools that help you ground, regulate, and reset your mind in the moment.
For now, experiment with the evidence check. Pick one thought pattern that makes you anxious or upset.
Next time it shows up, pause and ask what evidence supports it. You might be surprised by what you discover.