How to Handle Emotions
Everyone keeps saying you have to process emotions correctly. But what does that even mean? How do you process something you don’t fully understand? And how do you know if you are handling it right? Let’s break it down.
What Are Emotions?
What are emotions? Emotions are chemical messengers your body sends to guide you. They come in waves—short, 90-second waves. Science says that most emotions, when left alone without fueling them with thoughts, rise and fall within 90 seconds. They come, they peak, and they pass.
Usually, there are 3 kinds of emotions:
1. Primary Emotions
These are raw and direct, like fear, sadness, and joy.
2. Secondary Emotions
These come from conditioning. For example, you feel guilty for being angry or ashamed for feeling sad.
3. Hybrid or Complex Emotions
These include emotions like envy, resentment, or hopelessness. They are layered and mixed.
For this explanation, let’s focus on basic emotions and how to handle them the right way. If this feels helpful, let me know in the comments if you want a separate explanation on complex emotions.
Now, let’s keep all the technical stuff aside and look at this from a simple, practical point of view.
We just saw that emotions are 90-second waves. Now let’s understand how to handle them with an example.
Example: How Jealousy Works
Let’s say your best friend builds a new house. She invites you over. You go, and you’re happy for her. She’s your close friend, and you’re genuinely proud.
But somewhere inside, there is a small twist—a mild discomfort, a tightness in your chest. That feeling is jealousy.
This is how the 90-second wave of jealousy works. You feel it. It rises. Your body responds—maybe your heart rate increases, and your chest feels heavy. Then, slowly, if you don’t feed it with thoughts, it comes down and it goes.
But most of us don’t stop there.
How Thoughts Intensify Emotions
In that moment, we start thinking things like, “She’s my best friend. Why am I feeling like this? I shouldn’t feel this way.” Now you’ve attached shame to jealousy.
What happens next?
You feel guilty for having such thoughts.
Then you hate yourself for having those thoughts.
Then you feel sad for being a bad person.
And the loop continues.
Or instead of shame, you might think, “What if I never build my own house? What if I’m falling behind?”
Now you’ve attached fear. This attachment creates a journey of its own. Fear leads to anxiety, paranoia, and panic.
Some of you might start comparing: “She’s ahead, and I’m behind.” Comparison combined with jealousy leads to self-doubt. You start shrinking yourself and questioning your self-worth—your life, your job, and everything else.
This is the real problem. Not the emotion itself, but what you attach to it.
Why Do We Attach Thoughts to Emotions?
We do this because our mind is filled with conditioning. The way we’ve grown up, the beliefs we carry—everything decides what kind of thoughts we attach to each emotion.
A Healthier Way to Handle Emotions
We can’t stop attaching thoughts, but we do have the power to attach *alternate* thoughts.
The moment you feel jealousy—or any emotion—pause and consciously ask yourself:
What is this emotion trying to show me? What is the message here?
Now, instead of attaching shame or fear, you are attaching curiosity to the emotion.
Every emotion is a chemical messenger. It’s not random. It’s your brain’s way of trying to protect you or guide you.
Observation Instead of Reaction
We usually react to emotions immediately. But when you observe instead of reacting, you give the emotion space to speak. And when you do that, it gives you the answer. You gain understanding.
Jealousy shows you what you truly care about.
Anger shows you your values.
Every emotion serves a purpose.
When you understand an emotion, it loses its power to control you. You receive the message, act on it, and move on. The emotion doesn’t stay stuck in your body or turn into a repeating story in your head.
The Core Truth About Emotions
The crux is very simple:
Every emotion stays or leaves based on the thought you attach to it.
If you attach fear, it becomes panic.
If you attach curiosity, it becomes wisdom.
That’s the simplest truth about handling emotions the right way.