Most of us think that the things slowing us down in life are big things like our situation, confidence, or personality. But that’s not always true. A lot of the time, it’s something quieter—something we don’t even realize. These are fears running in the background, influencing what we try, what we avoid, and how big or small our life becomes.
Once we understand what these fears really are and where they come from, we can stop them from silently controlling our lives and start creating the life we actually deserve.
1. Fear of Survival
Fear of survival is a deep, primitive fear, and our brain developed it for one simple reason: to keep us safe. There is a part of the brain called the threat detector. Its job is to scan for anything uncertain or unpredictable, and it works fast—much faster than logical thinking.
That’s why this fear shows up even in normal, everyday moments. For example, we are talking to someone and everything is fine. Then suddenly, their tone changes, they go quiet, or their facial expression shifts slightly. It’s not a big thing, but our brain panics and thinks, “Wait, what just happened? Did I say something wrong, or are they upset with me?” We didn’t consciously think this—our brain just reacted.
Why? Because at some point in our past, we learned a rule: when people change suddenly, something bad might follow. Maybe we grew up around unpredictable moods, sudden anger, silent treatment, or emotional tension. Our brain stored those moments as warning signs.
Now, even a small change triggers that survival response. This affects more than just one conversation. This is why many of us are afraid of public speaking or leadership roles. Fear of survival keeps us stuck in comfort zones, avoiding visibility, or holding back our voice.
The problem is that our threat detector doesn’t check the full story. It only reacts to what feels familiar.
How to Change This Pattern
Think of fear of survival like an overprotective alarm system. It’s doing its job, but it’s reacting to outdated threats. The goal is not to shut it down, but to gently retrain it over time.
Start with body awareness. When you feel a spike of panic, tightness, or the urge to react quickly, pause. Place one hand on your chest. Breathe deeply and ask yourself, “Is this danger, or just discomfort?”
Then do something grounding. Look around and name five things you see, or press your feet firmly into the floor. These physical anchors remind your body that you are safe right now.
The next step is exposure in small doses. Start speaking up in safe environments. Try expressing one honest sentence or saying no in a small situation. This allows you to be seen just a little more than usual.
Afterward, tell your nervous system what happened: “I spoke up, nothing bad happened, and I’m okay.” Give your body new experiences of safety repeatedly.
Once your brain begins to associate uncertainty with calm instead of danger, fear of survival slowly loses its grip. You begin to show up more freely—in conversations, in leadership, and in life.
2. Fear of Failure
Fear of failure is powerful because the brain treats failure as a direct threat to identity. When this happens, you start imagining worst-case scenarios, as if everything in life is going wrong.
The moment you imagine failure, the amygdala—the brain’s alarm system—switches on. That’s why when you sit down to start something important, your mind suddenly freezes. Your thoughts scatter, or you distract yourself with anything else. Your brain is simply trying to avoid the feeling of “What if I fail?”
For many people, this fear comes from childhood, where mistakes meant losing validation, love, or respect. The brain learned the rule: “If I fail, something bad will happen.” Over time, this fear starts influencing everyday life.
We avoid applying for opportunities. We delay starting things we care about. We say no to new experiences—not because we don’t want them, but because we are afraid of not doing them perfectly. Little by little, this fear makes our world smaller.
How to Move Forward
One simple way to overcome this fear is to start tasks in parts instead of trying to do everything at once. Start with just 1% of the task.
For example, instead of aiming to write an entire book, open the document and write one rough line or create a tiny outline. When your brain sees that you can start and nothing bad happens, the hesitation eases and the next step becomes easier.
You don’t overcome fear of failure with perfection. You overcome it by simply beginning.
3. Fear of Success
Our brain is wired to prefer familiar things—even if the familiar is uncomfortable—because familiarity feels like safety. When life starts expanding through a promotion, a new opportunity, or a growing relationship, the brain doesn’t just see the good. It sees change.
The brain’s prediction center activates and asks, “This is new. Can we handle this? Will expectations increase? What if things fall apart?”
We are not afraid of success itself. We are afraid of the unknown that comes with it. That’s why sometimes, right after something good happens, we feel pressure instead of joy.
This fear can quietly slow us down. It can make us sabotage opportunities or avoid taking the next step. We say no to things we are excited about. We underplay our achievements. We resist change—not because it’s bad, but because it’s unfamiliar.
Over time, this fear causes us to shrink the life we’ve been dreaming of.
How to Handle Fear of Success
Make the big thing small. Tell yourself, “I don’t have to handle everything—just the next step.”
Then take one simple action: reply to one email, learn one small detail, or plan one thing for tomorrow. When the step feels smaller, the fear feels safer.
We don’t overcome fear of success by becoming fearless. We overcome it by making each step feel safe.
We are often ruled by hidden fears. But when we understand these fears, we start seeing our patterns clearly. When we name them, pause, and respond differently, their grip weakens.
Our nervous system relaxes. Our confidence grows. And our life begins to expand—naturally and steadily.