Why Do Some Breakups Feel Impossible to Move On From?
Even after months, after meeting new people, picking up new hobbies, and believing we have healed something inside can still feel stuck.
And it’s not because we want them back.
It’s because our brain never received what it needed: answers, closure, a reason that makes sense.
That is often hard to find in a bad breakup.
But the brain still seeks it.
Today, we’re going to talk about the secret to finding closure and peace after a difficult breakup, and how to move forward.
Step 1: Work on Your Mind
What do most of us do after a breakup?
We constantly check their last seen, stalk their social media, and wait for their message.
Then we lose focus.
Work becomes harder. Even the simplest things—like eating and sleeping—start to feel heavy. We get stuck in a never-ending loop.
Why does this happen?
Because your brain is wired for survival, not heartbreak.
When something ends suddenly—especially something that once made you feel safe—your mind treats it like a threat. It scrambles to find logic, to make sense of what happened.
So it holds onto anything that feels familiar or secure, even if it’s just a memory.
That’s why your mind keeps going back and forth. It wants the full picture. And until it gets that, it keeps you stuck in the loop.
If this loop isn’t broken, you don’t just lose them—you slowly start losing yourself.
How to escape the loop?
Take a piece of paper and create 2 lists:
1. Positive things the relationship brought into both of your lives
2. Negative things you both experienced
Then sit with it.
The goal is not to blame anyone.
The purpose is to weigh the good and the bad.
When your brain realizes the bad outweighs the good, it finally understands the breakup logically. And when your mind can make logical sense of what happened, it begins to feel safe—and starts accepting reality.
This process is tough. It will hurt.
But that’s the first step to moving on.
Step 2: Work on Your Body
I’m not talking about going to the gym.
Let’s say you complete Step One. Your mind understands the breakup. The story feels clearer now. But somehow, you still feel pain—like when you hear their name or pass places you visited together. You still feel that emptiness. Your body still reacts like it’s waiting for them to come back.
Why?
Because all your 5 senses got used to their presence.
Your eyes remember their face.
Your ears remember their voice.
Your skin remembers their touch.
Your routine, your space, your silence—everything holds their imprint.
So even if your mind has moved on, your body hasn’t.
And unless both your mind and body align, the hurt will linger.
How to teach your body that you’re safe again?
Start small:
Change your environment—rearrange your room.
Clear their things.
Go for walks in new places.
Change routines—if you had Friday date nights, do something new and interesting at that time.
Fill those moments with things you enjoy.
Let your senses experience life without them.
Real closure isn’t just about thinking differently.
It’s about feeling differently too.
Step 3: Rebuild the Story of Who You Are
Steps one and two are ideally done in the first few weeks after a breakup. Once you do them, you’ll start feeling a bit better. You’ll sleep better, get back into your routine, and feel like:
“Okay, I’m moving on.”
But here’s the truth most people miss:
You will still feel pain—and there is a valid reason.
If your relationship lasted 5, 7, or even 10 years, steps one and 2 only helped you process the most recent memories and pain.
But a long relationship carries hundreds of stories, and your brain hasn’t processed them all yet.
Your brain hates unfinished stories.
To complete them, it activates something called the Default Mode Network (DMN).
This brings back everything that is still unresolved.
That’s why—even after months—you suddenly feel a wave of sadness, a random memory, or a sharp ache in your chest.
What should you do? Help your brain finish the story.
Whenever these moments arise, sit with the pain and ask yourself:
1. What did this experience teach me about love?
2. What did I learn about myself?
3. What kind of love do I actually deserve?
At first, it will feel difficult. You’ll want to avoid it.
But when you do it consistently, you give your mind the answers it has been searching for.
You complete the story—with your voice.
This is what real closure truly is.
It’s not getting answers from them.
It’s giving answers to yourself.
When you help your brain complete the whole story, you don’t just move on from the breakup—you begin to understand yourself better. You become more grounded, self-aware, and more capable of receiving healthy love.